Blue Flower

Elohim’s Fulfilling Love

17 In this way, love is made perfect among us, so that we should have boldness on the Day of Judgment. For just as He is, so also are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and the one who fears has not been made perfect in love. 19 We love, because He first loved us.

1 John 4:17-19 TLV

Many years ago when I wept, many times I got so choked up I could not break free from it and I was stuck in weeping. When I weep now it is because I am thankful toward Elohim in the deliverance he has given me. It's the pain of knowing that my NPD dad cannot be healed by any man. I'm no longer stuck in weeping and I can break out of it. But my tears are no longer on my own behalf, my tears are on my abusers behalf.

Daddy, why could you never be wrong even when you hurt and crushed your own children? Why did you lock your little boy in a dark closet and tell him the rats were going to get him even though you were a Pastor? Oh, I know. The love of Messiah was not in you. So then, why did you become a Pastor? Oh, wait, I know, you thought it was a position of power and dominance over people. Did you also lock those people in a dark closet and tell them the rats were going to get them? Oh, you didn't? So you loved those people more than you did your family? Why Daddy? I know Daddy, NPD is really bad and you were greatly affected. Father in Heaven, please for give my Daddy, he didn't know.

Daddy, why did I hang in there longer than my other siblings who cut you off a long time ago? Maybe because I at least had enough love, enough hope to think you might wake up. I'm sorry, I tried too hard for someone who hurt me deeply. Only Messiah can do the work. You thought you knew what I was thinking and said I was thinking I would get you when you are old. You said I would never be able to. Do you know what Daddy? I can now, but that was never my thought and it isn't my thinking now. I know I can over power you now but that is not part of me. Forgiveness is in my heart because if I were to hurt you like you did me I would become like you. When I was young I told myself I never want to be like you. You see, I already had it figured out because it is not within me to hurt my family as you did yours. I forgive you Daddy, you were stuck in your mentality and didn't know any better. I still pray for you and hope Elohim our Father in Heaven will heal you and open your eyes.

Father in Heaven, forgive my abusers, they didn't know what they were doing.